She fits just fine.

On Mother's Day 2012, Josh came home to tell me something very, very important.  I could see it on his face.  He was waiting for me in the kitchen.  He looked thrilled and excited like a small child - only he is actually six foot tall now (mom sigh - he's grown up so fast).  He took me by the hands and told me that "she" was the one.  He wanted to marry Sarah and spend every day building a life with her.  More about Sarah in just a minute.

Okay, back to standing in the kitchen with Josh.  He loves Sarah and wants to be her husband... What do you say to that?  I cried of course.  I hugged him tight and we celebrated.  Then we celebrated some more.  I think we celebrated Josh and Sarah's engagement for months on end.  Right up until their surprise wedding...LOL.

Sarah fits right in to our crazy family.  She was made for us.  If you walked in to my house for a Sunday dinner, you might have a hard time guessing who was born in to this family and who wasn't - or who came first and who came last.  Our family is a beautiful patchwork of loving decisions.

She was born in April.  Sarah joined both me and Ashley in the April birthday marathon.  She likes to party.  Actually, most times she brings the party with her wherever she goes.  Sarah can be silly.  She has been known to wear an end table on her head, breakdance in the living room and please don't ever dare her to eat anything weird.  Sarah is up for the challenge.  She says what she thinks, most times her honest thoughts just come tumbling out of her mouth.  Her Aunt Melissa would tell you, it's her favorite part of Sarah.

Sarah rarely slows down, but when she does - I enjoy hearing her perspective on life and all things Green Cove Furlongs.  She loves my son (deep sigh - grateful mom).  Sarah's hearts desire is to be a good wife, a desire that bonds me to all of my daughters now.

Sarah is a natural in the kitchen and walks through the door announcing her readiness to help.  I hear she got this from her momma, who went to heaven when Sarah was younger.  Cooking comes easily to her - give the girl a cookbook and she is unstoppable.  I find myself looking forward to the picture messages of her newest creation from her Gaga's cookbook.

Sarah's entrance in to our family was very different from my first DIL, Ashley's -  who I had the opportunity to adore for many years before she and Matt were engaged.  Sarah came in like a force of nature.  Standing in that kitchen celebrating with Josh last year, I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew that I could rest assured that God was in control, that this was a part of his perfect plan.  I knew that I could trust Josh's decision.  He can be soft spoken at times however he is extremely determined and had already prayed for discernment.  It was decided.  I was thrilled for our family, yet still unsure how this would change us all.   

Mother's day 2013 is the anniversary of what became a whirlwind year of life and love decisions for the Furlong family.  We've expanded by leaps and bounds.  On this anniversary, one year later, I can tell you - 

We needed Sarah more than she needed us.  She fits just fine.

Not a saint, just a mom.

It's so easy to hold ourselves up to a June Cleaver idea of motherhood.  I find myself measuring my success by standards created in movies, television and the expectations of others.  In reality, I'm not like any of those moms - I am me.  

I am a different kind of mom.  I now have eight children, yes I said e-i-g-h-t.  I have children that I gave birth to, I have children who my husband gifted to me when we married almost 9 years ago and children who chose to marry in to this crazy family of ours.

Do I love them differently?  Honestly, yes.  

I love each and every one of them differently.  I have a different relationship with each of them and they all need me in different ways.  They each hold a separate place in my heart, which overflows with love for them all.

Back to motherhood.  If I could share a word of advice for us all - be the mom that your kids need.  Not the one your neighbor's kids need, or the one you think has it all together.  None of us have it all together, I promise.  We need not idolize one another.  We need to encourage one another and definitely share experiences so that we can learn from each other. 

When it comes to my crew - I have reminders for myself.  They help me to keep perspective on my failures and successes as a mom.

I have to remind myself that I am not called to be their best friend, although I want to always be the one they can confide in.  I need to give them honest guidance with love.

I am not called to fix all of their pains,

although I would really, really like to.

I am not called to be the mom that's on TV,

she's not really getting to know her kids anyway.

I am not called to create one standard of love and apply it equally to my kids,

that would surely alienate half of them.

I am called to show them love - in the way they would like to receive it.

I am called to remind them to trust the Lord - he alone will show them the way.

I am called to teach them that family is important - time together is a worthy investment.  

I am called to pray for them - each and every day, I call them by name and ask the Lord to bless them. In the past year I've added 3 names to my list!

I am called to celebrate them and their successes - there are so many of both, we can party all the time.

I am called to love my husband and show them how wonderful marriage can be.

I am called to put God in charge and let his love flow in my words and actions with my kids.

God bless them each and every one: Chris, Matt, Ashley, Josh, Sarah, Katie, Dillard and Tyler.

You each make this wild ride - so worthwhile.

Love,

Mom Kayti

One of my greatest treasures

This past week she competed in the Miss Sandalwood pageant.  She was beautiful and lovely from the inside out, as always.  I could not be more proud of her.  I want to share the poem that she wrote and shared during the competition.  Enjoy.

A glimpse into the heart and mind of one of my greatest treasures, my niece Mantha.

(You may call her Samantha, Sammie or Sam - but to me, she will always be my Mantha.)

The Loudest Shadow

It begins as a noise in the background

Keeping steady beat as it makes its round

It can be found at any time of day

It's so simple, just push play

It creates a story for everyones  life

As if it understands  your struggles and strife

It leaves you feeling  like you're not alone

It keeps you alive with more than one tone

Of complete reality and worry filled days

When life gets too real there's something that says

I'll be with you through the HAPPY and SAD

The really GREAT days and even the bad

It lingers as if ready at any possible time

To lift you off your feet and begin to fly

Away from all the grief, sorrow, and pain

To tell your mind that it's free again

No judging or casting a nasty glare

Just wants you to know that it's always there

As the shoulder to cry on when no one else cares

And casts you alone to face all of your scares

It will give you a feeling that no one else can

And open your eyes to the ever  growing span

Of opportunity and dare and even the strength

To end it all or just  shoot blanks

It tends to all of our daily needs

Not for us but with us so we can really see

The magic of you when in a crowd

Nothing else will sound as loud

As the beats, bells, and whistles that are in your head

Revealing to you a new path to tread

For you will follow no one, your path will  be your own

Because you are led by something that can't be owned

To light up your day or slow down the time

To yell at the world, or even to cry

To help you with whatever you may need

Or just to be there for whenever you please

It will live until the end of time

Serving its purpose, to let its light shine

Remember family, friends, and even  pets

But most of all music never forgets

- Samantha Nicole Doty

A Letter to My Children About Marriage

I read this letter on another blog this week and decided that it was too good not to share.  This is for my children, my nieces and nephews - well it's for all of us.  Being completely honest and transparent, I know all too well the pain caused by divorce. It can leave lifelong scars on you, your children and your family.  I can also tell you that the Lord saw fit to bless me with a second chance - a special love, with a strong marriage and a loving husband in Stan.  If I could tell my children one thing about their expectations of marriage, I would tell them that love is a decision.  It is a choice.  Do it when you feel like it and do it when you don't.  Decide to love and honor your spouse in all you do.  Their are no excuses acceptable for falling short.  

Get up and keep loving.  Forgive and keep loving.  This is the only option.  Keep loving.

Letter taken from Raising Homemakers:

Dear Children,

Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.

Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:

Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.

You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:

Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please  only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she wants.

To you all:

If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:

If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has no door.

Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself alone for any length of time with such either.

Divorce is not a “private option”. It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you “separate what God has joined” you permanently injure far more than just yourself.

Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know, “you gotta love ‘em, they’re the only family you’ve got”.

I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray for you to be holy.

Love Letter from Stan's Abigail

A few years ago Stan and I began reading about President John Adams.  We found ourselves riveted by the relationship between John and his wife Abigail.  They had so many challenges in their lives.  John was absent often as he worked toward independence for what would be our great nation.  When they were together they dealt with war and all of the ugliness that accompanies living in a land of unrest.  Some of the challenges they faced are similar to the challenges we all face today.  They dealt with loss of loved ones, growing concern for their farmland and yes, even obstinate children. Regardless of what was thrown their way, John and Abigail were the best of friends and their love endured....

The more Stan and I learned, the more we wanted to know.  We were inspired.  We were intrigued.  We were ready for an adventure, we wanted to explore and see what trace of John and Abigail we could find left in this world.  So in the summer of 2010 we flew to Boston Massachusetts...

The first thing we did after checking in to our hotel was take the train, then the bus straight to Braintree, the city where John was born, where John and Abigail raised their family, retired and spent their final days together over 200 years ago.  The bus dropped us off in the center of Braintree, also now known as Quincy.  We walked the 6 blocks to Peacefield, the home of John and Abigail.  We were short on time and high on energy so off we went, walking quickly, worried the sun would go down before we reached our destination.  It felt like it took forever - seriously, it was a long walk!  When we finally arrived we were both speechless. It was beautiful.  There was an entire estate to explore, with gardens and porches, a main home and a library.  But then we has a disappointing realization.  It was late in the day and the grounds were closed for the evening.  The gate was closed.  We were disappointed, but we did what any disappointed but civilized couple would do.  

We jumped the fence.  Yes, we did. 

We jumped the fence and had the most amazing time exploring the estate for what seemed like  hours.  We had the best time running and laughing and exploring all of the beauty of Peacefield.  That was until a groundskeeper busted us.  He was very kind and let us go with a promise to head back to the street.

Needless to say, we returned the next day for the "formal tour."  All the while remembering the evening we spent running wild and free all over the estate.  Here are a few pictures of our visit to Peacefield.  

Today on Valentine's Day I am reminded of the love and deep admiration that Abigail shared with John.  One of Stan's friends once referred to me as Stan's Abigail.  It was the highest compliment I could imagine.  She was his wife, his partner, his most trusted advisor and dearest friend.  All things I hope to be to my husband.

So that you can share in my awe of their bond, here is a excerpt of one of Abigail's letters to John.  Yes, I have the book and I treasure it.  Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours.   - Stan's Abigail.

Letter from Abigail to John Adams, December 1782

My Dearest Friend,

…should I draw you the picture of my Heart, it would be what I hope you still would Love; tho it contained nothing new; the early possession you obtained there; and the absolute power you have ever maintained over it; leaves not the smallest space unoccupied. I look back to the early days of our acquaintance; and Friendship, as to the days of Love and Innocence; and with an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time -- nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the Image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my Heart...

Charlie Turns 5

Happy 5th Birthday Little Guy

My favorite things about Charlie:

Reading with you -
So Many Bunnies, Yurtle the Turtle, If I Could Keep You Little, I'll Love You Forever

Cooking with you -
cupcakes, cookies, apple snacks, oatmeal...and did I mention cupcakes with sprinkles?

You always want to ride in the "blue van."

Saying "Dear Jesus" before you go to sleep.  I love to sit there and listen to you ask Jesus to bless the trees and the sun and the moon and everything else you might have walked past that day.  We could all learn something from you.

You remind me so much of your daddy when he was little. You can pick up a stick in the yard and play for hours with the super secret glowing light saber...

You call me Aunt Bob.  I know it won't last forever, but I have loved it for the past 5 years.

There are so many things I have loved about being your aunt for the past five years.  I consider you a gift straight from the Lord above.  I will always be here for you and yes, I will always have gum.

Love,
Aunt Bob

A Dress

I wrote this on Saturday, but didn't have a chance to post.  :-)

Today I shop for a dress. Not any dress. The dress I will wear when my son Matthew gets married. Gone is the young boy who came to me not sure of my place or his own. Gone are the days of finding my place in his heart. I know I have my very own. Gone are the days of needing rides to school and activities, of needing permission for adventures and journeys of his childhood. Gone are the days of packing a fun bag for field trips with school or band. Gone is that little boy.

God brought Matt to me when he was a young teenager, he created our family in an unconventional way.  He blended us together and gave me a admiration and bond with my husband's children that would ensure I would love them as my own.  I certainly do.

 For the past eight years, I have enjoyed being Matt's parent, his cheerleader, guider and as best I can, protector.  Sometimes, although too often in my opinion, I am even his emergency room treatment coordinator.  :-)   

Matt brings an element of childlike fun and laughter to our family that is rivaled only by his dad.  Sometimes I think they are in competition to see who can be the silliest.  Ashley and I both have our hands full trying to keep those two in check.

The young boy who came to me many years ago has now been replaced by a strong and confident man. Before me stands a man who has set his sights on the Lord and his energies on becoming a husband and provider. I am so proud of the man he has become and the choice that he made in a bride. I am blessed to call them both my children and thankful to be a part of their new journey.

So today I shop for a dress. Not any dress. The dress I will wear in one of the most precious memories of my lifetime.

Another football season has come and gone. I think I enjoy football almost as much as Ty does. Football is his outlet, and it makes my heart smile to see him play. He is growing up much too fast although he promises me he will always be "my boy."

It has been interesting this year with Tyler playing at the middle school instead of MAA. It introduced lots more of his friends in to the picture. It was not unusual for me to see groups of young teenage girls walking around at the games with #50 written on their cheeks, which obviously thrilled Tyler. I enjoyed the 2010 season and spending the time with Tyler. I look forward to next year and all the joy I am sure it will bring.

Like Father, Like Sons

I miss my dad every day. There were many painful realizations in the first year after he died. There were so many things that I enjoyed about him and so many things he had just always done for me. One of the things I realized in that first year after he died, was that I would now need to pay someone to change my oil. I had never paid anyone to work on my cars, ever. It was a small thing, but still it was a dad thing. He was good at it, dad was even a part time mechanic at one point in his retirement. When it came to cars, Dad just always took care of it. I couldn't even imagine going to a repair shop...

Little did I know of the hidden treasure God sent in my husband Stan. He is handy beyond belief and can fix just about anything. In the picture above, Stan is teaching Tyler how to change the disk breaks on our Honda Odyssey. I am thankful to have his talents and knowledge to lean on and even more thankful that he is teaching our sons how to be just as amazing as he is.

She always makes me smile.

Last night, we met the Browns at Starbucks. This is not an uncommon event for a Saturday night. Once we had had our drinks, we sat down to talk. I started sharing about a class that I am taking at work and new terminology for which I need to memorize lots of definitions.

I made an off-handed comment, "Who knows what binomial means anyway?"

Holly pipes up out of nowhere and says "It means you aren't getting any dinner!"

Get it? No meal? I love that girl.

The Rest of the Kids

Their pictures dropped off my post yesterday, but they are always on my mind. I couldn't be more proud to call them my kids. Love you - K

Like peas and carrots:


Our adventurous traveler:

Almost October

I looked at the calendar yesterday and it hit me. It is almost October. You and I both know that once October starts, it is holiday season. It will be next year before we know it! This year has brought challenges that draw us together, namely my illness and the loss of Millie, Stan's mom. But it has also brought so much laughter and happiness.

I began homeschooling Tyler in March. It has worked really well so far. I had no idea how much I would enjoy the time we would spend discussing prepositions and pre-algebra. He is growing up so fast - as they all have. Knowing he is the last one, makes me want to hold him tighter. He keeps reminding me that this strategy will not work. He is playing left tackle on the football team at Twin Lakes Academy Middle School. We are enjoying watching him as he is growing in passion and skill for football.

The rest of the gang are all doing well. Chris is still in California. He found a new job and is working on getting his own place. Matt is still in Orlando finishing up his time at UCF. I miss he and Ashley both. I sure do hope they move home when they are done. Josh is now working full time at O2B Kids. He is teaching guitar and loving it. He is also still leading the praise and worship for the senior high group at church. Katie Babie is now a junior in high school. Where does the time go? Between band, chorus and praise band, there is precious little time left. We sneak it in anywhere we can. Adoring her has always come so easy to me.

Stan and I have enjoyed the summer. We have traveled to Boston, Louisville and will be in Texas next weekend. We are currently heads down in home improvement projects. We love to shop and plan - still working on the execution phase. Today he and my brother Will are finishing a garden path of flagstone in our front yard. Seeing it will always make me happy as we planned it together and I watched our vision come to life. Our next project will be the kitchen!

Love and blessings to all of you. - Kayti